I had never thought of myself as an angry mom. But then I had kids now that changed and knock me over. Words flew from my mouth and somehow punctured a hole in the cup so that finally it could all drain away, slowly. Anger can give us clues about underlying emotions. So keep this in mind, how anger connects with other emotions and how we are judged for expressing anger.
Here are some reasons you get angry with your kids. This isn’t exhaustive, but it hits the big ones.
# You take things personally: For some irrational reason, we moms tend to take disobedience a personal insult. I say do this, they do that, and I want to get offended at their audacity. Then I remind myself they are children. They intuitively want to please their parents but they don’t intuitively know how. You cannot take their behaviour and choices personally.
When your anger rises after a particular situation, and before you pounce, take a minute to think about the root of your anger. Are you angry simply because they didn’t do what you said? Fair enough they need to obey, but your anger will not bring about the type of obedience you want. Calm down and remember, it’s consistency, discipline, and training that brings about your desired results, not their fear of your angry outbursts.
# Your expectations need adjusting: It’s hard to know what to rightfully expect as mothers. You don’t want to low ball or high ball the kids by expecting what they can’t deliver or not expecting what they should. This is a work in progress that needs regular tweaking. Expect obedience, but not 100% obedience.
# You’re empty and need a recharge: Motherhood calls for a lot of sacrifices. There are certain things we must do just because we must. However, we should attempt to include in our daytime to ourselves where at all possible. Take some time alone. Put them all to bed early and do something that helps you relax or recharge. If you can manage, go on a mommy vacation for a weekend.
# You’ve let things get out of control and need a reset: Be over the top consistent. Evaluate your expectations then explain over and over again what you expect from them. Explain over again what will happen if they don’t do what you expect. It’ll be tedious for a week, but you should expect to see a return to normal and pleasant behaviour within a short period of time.
# You’re stressed and need an outlet: If you are habitually stressed it may be time to do some more extreme measures or even putting firm boundaries in relationships, at work, or in areas that are out of your control.You may not be able to control the circumstances that cause you stress, but your children shouldn’t suffer for it. Perhaps you need to cut back on commitments, slow down, and re-evaluate your priorities. Even if something drastic must be done, you will be glad you did something when you’re able to finish a day without having lost it!
So… while it’s normal to get angry, we should be able to manage it. While our kids do need to understand their actions have consequences, we don’t need to explode on them.
And instead of just trying not to yell, remember: anger is not the issue, a deeper issue is the issue. 😊😊